I Don't Belong Here #1

Greetings and salutations!

Welcome to the inaugural issue of I Don’t Belong Here, a newsletter that tries to make sense of all the random stuff crammed in my head cavity.

IDBH is a fun place where I’ll share what I’ve been working on, the spicy snacks I’ve been eating, the misery of Philly sports, the things I’ve been reading, watching, and listening to, and all the best snarky memes and hot garbage the internet has to offer. Of course, there’ll be plenty of obligatory kid pics.

My goal is to give you something fun to read for that 10 minutes of privacy you get on the toilet.

Shall we?

From The Blog

My family and I took a mini-vacation to Philly last week, and in addition to doing touristy things like visit Love Park and Reading Terminal Market, I managed to be mistaken for a Genius Bar employee at the hotel.

Read the story here 

Someone wanted to interview me?

Believe me, I’m just as surprised as you are. A few weeks ago, top brass at The Prompt, an online lit mag that occasionally publishes my self-aggrandizing essays, started a series where staff writers interview each other. Last week, my buddy Eric Mochnacz interviewed me, and I gave some pretty incredible answers if I do say so myself.

Ever wonder what makes me tick? My writing habits or how I come up with story ideas? No, you haven’t? Fair enough. That’s what I get for asking a rhetorical question.

Anyway, the interview is here. Give it a read.

IG Ad of the Week

Isn’t the postal service constantly teetering on the brink of bankruptcy? Why in the fuck is it wasting money on a campaign to let us know the most OBVIOUS trope about mailmen ever? This explains why it costs me $30 to send a box across town—so they can fund future campaigns such as When it rains, over 90% of the ground gets wet. #themoreyouknow

My Favorite Things

READ: David Sedaris’s new essay collection, Happy Go Lucky, came out last week, and between reading the hard copy and listening to it on Audible, I finished it by Friday.

It’s no secret Sedaris is a hero of mine. If I could choose one person who’s skin I could wear Hannibal Lecter style it’d be his.

Book reviews accuse Sedaris of being too glib when it comes to some of the topics he addresses—the #metoo movement, BLM, masks—but I found most of his perspectives to be spot on. In a moment when everyone’s so self-consciously woke, it’s hard to joke about anything without upsetting someone.

LISTEN: My buddy Nate Bergman recently put out a ridiculous solo album called Metaphysical Change. I’ll be honest—his genre of soulful rock is not something I’d seek out unprompted, but I’ve found it to be a perfect album to listen to while I’m on the back deck having a beer and a cigar.

Nate and I go way back. He used to be a customer at the Guitar Center where I worked after college, and he was NOTORIOUS for giving salesmen a hard time on price. We’d call these customers “grinders,” and Nate was their king. Eventually I got tired of his shit and would break his balls every time he walked in the door. We became good friends as a result, and though we’ve lost touch over the years, I’m still super happy to see all those heavily discounted picks and strings got him somewhere.

Check out Nate on Spotify, or go see him on tour with Keith Wallen

Broad Street Briefs

Phillies manager Joe Girardi got fired last Thursday after a lackluster first 60 games. The Phils have the fourth-highest payroll in baseball and they have the same record as the Orioles, who have the fourth lowest. So much for trying to buy wins.

Everybody in the goddamn city seemed to see this coming except for Girardi, who told reporters the day before he was canned that he wasn’t worried about his job.

His replacement? This guy, who couldn’t be more Philly if he had Cheez Wiz coming out of his ears.

And I’m down with Rob Thomson, but I was really hoping for this dude to take the helm instead:

Nails was my favorite player as a kid, and his antics over the last decade have been popcorn-worthy. His primary selling point for deserving the skipper role seems to be that he hasn’t been arrested in four years. Seems qualified to me!

Obligatory Kid Pic

Thanks for reading. If you haven’t already, subscribe so you can read this hot garbage right in your inbox.

Both of my books are available to order on Amazon. Check them out here!

Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram @samhedenberg for daily hilarity and baby pictures.